why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
