Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am puke
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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