There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
