my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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