when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
