I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
