Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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