Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
