Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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