my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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