roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
