Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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