My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
