Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
