I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
