Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
