whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
