I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
