Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
