i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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