It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
