"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
