If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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