You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
