You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
