dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
