..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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