I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
