I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
is it fun? or sober?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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