i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
