D3 body, D1 cock
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize