Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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