is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
