shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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