I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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