He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
