i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
