had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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