so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
