why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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