Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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