Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize