If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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