I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
