yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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