"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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