She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
