i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
