i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize