a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
