My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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