wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
