does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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