Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
