we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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