I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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