JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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