This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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