I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I won the penis lottery.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
