I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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