She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Alive.
So much puke
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
