dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
