words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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