Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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