Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
