what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize