dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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