it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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