She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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