Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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